“One of the life's mysteries is how
a two pound box of candy can make a woman gain five pounds”.
“A balanced diet is a cookie in each
“He who laughs last, thinks slowest”.
“How long a minute is depends on
which side of the bathroom door you are on”.
“As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can't remember the other two”.
(Sir Norman Wisdom)
“Doing nothing is very hard to do...you never know when you're finished”. (Leslie Nielson)
a year in therapy my psychiatrist said to me, 'Maybe life isn't for everyone”.
does much but encouragement does more”
who correctly guesses a woman’s age may be smart, but he’s not very bright”.
is the art of concealing your impatience”.
Argument : A discussion that occurs when
you're right, but he just hasn't realized it yet.
Diet coke: A drink you buy at a store to
go with a half pound bag of peanut M&Ms.
Eternity: The last two minutes of a football game.
To walk up and down a mall, occasionally resting to make a purchase.
Grocery list: What you spend half an hour writing
but forget to take with you to the store.
I WISH YOU LUCK OF…….
a long-sought, long out of print book in a garage sale.
that the stain down the front of your new overcoat does, after all, come out.
the last piece of jigsaw.
the silver propelling pencil that has been missing for a year down the back of the sofa,
the nail scissors, half a packet of licorice, a pile of coins, pair of socks
and a darning needle.
the oven door and finding the soufflé has risen.
MAY YOU ALWAYS…….
the front door open and charge to the phone before it stops ringing.
the right thing to the wine waiter.
enough money to get home.
….find exactly the right retort-succinct,
memorable, overwhelming-at the time and not half an hour later.
MAY YOU NEVER……..
your keys, passport, wallet, credit card, purse, ticket, hold-all, spectacles, watch-or the bit of paper
with the vital
phone number on it.