Simply Psychiatry

Quotes & Jokes

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“One of the life's mysteries is how a two pound box of candy can make a woman gain five pounds”.


“A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand”.


“He who laughs last, thinks slowest”.


“How long a minute is depends on which side of the bathroom door you are on”.


“As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can't remember the other two”.

(Sir Norman Wisdom)

“Doing nothing is very hard to never know when you're finished”.  (Leslie Nielson)

“After a year in therapy my psychiatrist said to me, 'Maybe life isn't for everyone”.  (Larry Brown)


“Correction does much but encouragement does more”


“A man who correctly guesses a woman’s age may be smart, but he’s not very bright”.


“Patience is the art of concealing your impatience”.


Women’s Dictionary

Argument : A discussion that occurs when you're right, but he just hasn't realized it yet.

Diet coke: A drink you buy at a store to go with a half pound bag of peanut M&Ms.

Eternity: The last two minutes of a football game.

Exercise: To walk up and down a mall, occasionally resting to make a purchase.

Grocery list: What you spend half an hour writing but forget to take with you to the store.




….finding a long-sought, long out of print book in a garage sale.

….finding that the stain down the front of your new overcoat does, after all, come out.

….finding the last piece of jigsaw.

….finding the silver propelling pencil that has been missing for a year down the back of the sofa,

together with the nail scissors, half a packet of licorice, a pile of coins,  pair of socks and a darning needle.

….opening the oven door and finding the soufflé has risen.


….get the front door open and charge to the phone before it stops ringing.

….say the right thing to the wine waiter.

….have enough money to get home.

….remember your zipper.

….find exactly the right retort-succinct, memorable, overwhelming-at the time and not half an hour later.


….lose your keys, passport, wallet, credit card, purse, ticket, hold-all, spectacles, watch-or the bit of paper

with the vital phone number on it.

(Pam Brown)  








Freud from "On Transience" (1916[1915])


"A year later the war broke out and robbed the world of its beauties. It destroyed not only the beauty of the country sides through which it passed and the works of art which it met in its path but also shattered our pride in the achievements of civilization, our admiration for many philosophers and artists and our hopes for a final triumph over the differences between nations and races. It tarnished the lofty impartiality of science, it revealed our instincts in all their nakedness and let loose the evil spirits within us which we thought had been tamed for ever by centuries of continuous education by the noblest minds. It made our country small again and made the rest of the world far remote. It robbed us of very much that we had loved, and showed us how ephemeral were many things that we regarded as changeless."


From Freud's letter, in response to Einstein's letter (1932)

"If willingness to engage in war is an effect of the destructive instinct, the most obvious plan will be to bring Eros, its antagonist, into play against it. Anything that encourages the growth of emotional ties between men must operate against war. These ties may be of two kinds. In the first place they may be relationships resembling those towards a loved object, though without having a sexual aim. There is no need for psycho-analysis to be ashamed to speak of love in this connection, for religion itself uses the same words: 'Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself.' This, however, is more easily said than done. The second kind of emotional tie is by means of identification. Whatever leads men to share important interests produces this community of feeling, these identifications. And the structure of human society is to a large extent based on them."


 “Neurosis is always a substitute for legitimate suffering.” Carl Jung

 “There is a strange kind of tragic enigma associated with the problem of racism. No one, or almost no one, wishes to see themselves as racist; still racism persists, real and tenacious.”  Albert Memmi


Autobiography in five short chapters

By Portia Nelson

 I walk down the street.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk,

I fall in.  I am lost…I am helpless

It isn’t my fault.

It takes forever to find a way out.

I walk down the same street.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I pretend I don’t see it.  I fall in again.

I can’t believe I am in the same place.

But it isn’t my fault.

It still takes a long time to get out.

I walk down the same street.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I see it is there.  I still fall in…it’s a habit.

My eyes are open.  I know where I am.

It is my fault.  I get out immediately.

I walk down the same street.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I walk around it.

I walk down another street



From Nelson Mandela’s inauguration speech

           Our deepest fear is not that we are

          inadequate; our deepest fear is that,

          we are powerful beyond measure.


          It is our light, not our darkness

          that most frightens us.


          We ask ourselves, who am I to be,

          brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous

          actually, who am I not to be?


          Your playing small does not serve the world

          there’s nothing enlightened about shrinking

          so that other’s won’t feel insecure around you.


          We are all meant to shine, as children do

          we were born to make manifest

          The glory that is within us.

          It is not just in some of us-it is in everyone.


          As we let our own light shine, we


          give others permission to do the same.


          As we are liberated from our fears,

          our presence automatically liberates others.